I tried to point things out to her last time. I heard that I wanted her to fail, that I've been looking for a reason to a bail, and that I'm pointing all fingers at her.

I told her I'm trying to help her, help me.

She said I said the equivalent of, "***** you" last time when that is so not what I meant. I felt what I was saying was falling on deaf ears. I felt hopeless.

I'm confused because I don't want to be avoidant. But what she said elicited shame and guilt. I felt two inches tall. It didn't inspire improvement. And then I'm attached. For an avoidant to allow that to happen and then detach. Painful.

I'm trying to do the right thing. I really am. I have enough guilt and shame to last a lifetime. Hence, coming out at 35.

I don't know what to do tomorrow.

Can attachment trauma be healed in a one-sided (therapeutic) relationship? Especially with one who doesn't specialize in attachment trauma.

It's all about doing the right thing, because my history is to become attached to cold/distant women. It's all muddled and confusing. I just want to heal.

am I being offered a reparative experience through this or duplicating the past?? Ugh...