elevatedsoul...hi
In my opinion...It really doesn't matter if your posts are confusing. Because people with "mental illness" and "substance abuse issues"...like myself...can be very "all over the place".

I only went back to a couple of posts of yours to get to know you a bit before i replied...and what I see...is you were diagnosed with Borderline? So Borderline is hard to treat....they say that...but...every mental illness in my opinion is HARD to treat.

And what makes it harder for the Drs to help us...is us playing around with other substances...I see conversation in the post...talking about cocaine, weed...etc...and cravings for them...which is natural for addiction.

But, what I don't see..and am wondering about...is what prescribed medications are you on? I recently started a prescribed medication that REALLY helps my thought process, cravings for any substance, helps my self-esteem, my sleep...many things....

Are you on any prescribed medication antidepressants? Anxiety med? Sleep med?

I find that drugs prescribed by a mental health professional after you find one or two that work for you can be lifesavers and mind changers...stopping or at least alleviating the confusion.