Hi Carrie Ann: I used to be a bad actor while drinking. I thought I was brilliantly witty and full of enlightenment--until the next day. Most next days were spent alone and sick, which was a fitting punishment and sweet revenge for all those people I offended while I was away in my booze and the fool came out.
It's a good step to post here and do it often to remind yourself that you are not alone in your struggle. It's been 13 years of no booze for me and I am slowly overcoming the horrible person I was when I was drinking and the harm caused to friends and family by me. If I could turn my wrecked life around, anybody can. I am not special. I did it with help from others who were also struggling and nice therapists. Here is a good safe place to be honest. Good luck and keep coming back!