thanks everyone. i ended up giving her the list. it was so hard because at first she insisted that i read it . i was so terrified to do that. to have the words come out of my mouth was way to hard.i explained this to her and she offered to do it with me . she asked me to do things step by step. take out the list,open the paper,then read the first one. it took a bit but then my T took over and read some of it out loud and to herself, i know that i have been working on some of the stuff but she seemed to think i have worked on all of it . i know a lot of it was how i was hearing things but she seemed very dismissive of a lot of it . i dont know if it because she is leaving or she really feels this way . i dont feel like i have worked on it at the same level as she does . it seemed as she read through the list she had a lot of plain stalk answers . like you need to forgive yourself,these are questions everyone has. etc... the more she did this the less engaged i became . i was again devastated . i just dont understand . when she got to the one about the SA she just said we are going to put that one aside for now . we talked a lot about the husband and son one .and then she was like we talked about that .but gave me nothing about how to change it . she came up with some reasons for why i might be feeling this way that made sense. how i grew up with nothing from the mother and a lot of people are unable to feel love etc..but again no solutions . the stuff about my brother she said we have talked about him and that i refuse to accept her version of what went on . the thing is i need to talk about these things more then just a session , and it is done . i wanted to say so i guess im done with therapy and walk out . in the end she said she felt this list was good,that i realized she is leaving and so wrote this list to see what i wanted to work on .she also felt it was very mature of me to be able to do this . after all this she asked me in the end how i felt about the list . i said you are leaving and i know that the list is too much . i told her i felt that maybe i had talked to her bout a lot of stuff on that list but that in reality it is just a drop in the ocean. that the things i talked to her about the mother doing to me was nothing that there was so much more . im not sure if she gets it . then she started talking to me about the memories .i guess she trained with the dr that discovered emdr and was thinking that may help me with that if we gave that a try . the thing is i dont believe in it . she said i could take a memory i want to change and replace it with something else . i have way to many memories .