Yes, it's the way she died, I'm so very sorry, but, you did all that you possibly could, everything, you just need lots of support at this time, and time will heal, not completely of course, you were there to do whatever and that's what you did, try to stop beating yourself up, when people are on a self destructive path "hell bent" so to speak, what can one possibly do, therapy is really what you need, it's called the 'talking cure', and whilst it doesn't really 'fix' anything, it helps us to work through issues, get perspective and direction .........take care dear broken hearted one......you will recover