Quote:
Originally Posted by Calilady
She refuses to go into my wounding. I do that, myself, every night. I activate my own attachment system and dive into it as best I can to confront. She does not
She refuses. She believes I am not ready and I need to deal with the anxiety and panic first. I disagreed. I felt the panic and anxiety were th crux of the issue. Since we didn't meet eye to eye, I decided to try it myself
For the past three weeks, I have activated my attachment system every night as best I can. I'm no professional, obviously. But for three weeks I haven't had one panic attack
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I guess I don't really understand what you mean by all this. You have a perfect opportunity to go into your wounds right now because something she said triggered painful feelings in you. That's exactly the thing. A way to proceed from there is exactly to talk about these feelings that emerged in you. You have already gone into your wounds with her! You don't have to do anything alone because you are already doing it together. You just have to keep going, which means that you have to keep telling her about your feelings, whatever they are.
According to my understanding addressing anxiety and attachment stuff are quite different. The regular anxiety work usually is about recognising the situations that trigger anxiety and learning specific skills to cope. The attachment work happens in the relationship and there are no predefined steps because the relationship itself is like an organism that develops and grows on its own. I'm not even sure you can agree to do or not to do this kind of work because whether you can do it depends on what happens in the relationship at any given moment.