Thankyou Hopetrying, I really do appreciate you taking the time to reply, yes, of course you are absolutely right, this I know, it's just so hard knowing that this 'no contact' is permanent, that's so hard, I mean it's only been a few weeks, that's not the problem, it's knowing that come birthdays and xmas or just the 'future', no contact, it's really breaking my heart, anyway, he pushed me over the edge of the cliff so to speak and this is the result, and my body is broken from the fall, literally, the trauma of this has literally affected my body.......anyway, thankyou again for your reply and advise, I am taking it on board......