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Originally Posted by nicoleflynn
Your t IS WRONG! I am shocked a t would say this. Molestaion is something we never forget. It happend to me 60 years ago. you may want to write a letter to your uncle of "restorative justice"--that says...this is what you did; this is how it made me feel. You can give it to him, or keep it. Being molested changes your life.....He is ignorant (t); JUST because you don't want to tell anyone doesn't mean it wasn't a big deal! Most people who are molested don't tell anyone for many reasons. If you decide to stay with the t I would tell him he is wrong, and his training should have given him the tools to understand what being molested does to a person. Shame on him!
Molesters count on the silence of the victim (hate that word).....If nothing else, I would confront your uncle (I think restorative justice....is empowering) to let him know you know what he did; sadly abusers usually don't stop at just one person.
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i don't want to jump in or put words in someone's mouth, but i read the original post as the T is saying it is a big deal and Gaba is asking if it is because they never saw it that way...
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i agree with everyone. it is a big deal. your uncle may have only done it once to you, but i can pretty much promise you he is done it more than once in his lifetime. molestation is not something that most offenders just do once. possibly by you speaking up in your family, other members of the family may feel comfortable sharing experiences they have had.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gaba420
How would I go about making sure that my uncle never does this to anyone else? Get my T to report him? My uncle doesn't have any children of his own, doesn't work with or volunteer with children. No one is in imminent danger but I wouldn't want him to do what he did to me to anyone else.
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i'm not sure about where you live, but where i am, by law, current or past abuse of a protected group (children, elderly or disabled) has to be reported by people in certain professions, which includes T's. this is actually included in the papers that clients sign when starting with a new T here, because it is one of the only reasons a T can break confidentiality. the only other i can think of right now is a court subpoena. usually the T would tell you that they are making the report, and who they got the info from can be kept confidential in some circumstances, but in a lot of places, things like that have to be reported by law. it's an ethical thing, the T cannot take the risk that the abuser will NEVER have access to another child, and even 3 minutes alone can be enough time, most of the time less than 3 minutes...
i don't want saying that to cause more stress for you. i just wanted to bring it up so you could ask your T what they are required to do.
also, i think working with your T on why it doesn't seem like a big deal to you... for me, for example, my mother is emotional and mentally abusive and has been as long as i can remember. up until recently, i didn't think it was a big deal. even though dealing with this for so long has had a serious effect on me. it took my T telling me that this is a big deal. and once we started really talking about it, i've started to understand, to some extent, why people showing any type of care and concern toward me has been uncomfortable. for the longest time, i couldn't handle hugs at all, even in the virtual sense online. now, i can accept virtual hugs and hugs from a certain group of people (but the irl people have been trained to ask first, cuz some days are worse than others). it also allowed me to see why, for the longest time, i could not open up to women at all.
even though this may not feel like a big deal right now, and it may never really feel that way to you (you are the one that gets to define how experiences feel and affect you), it would still be worth looking into and seeing if there are parts of your life and behavior that this event has affected.