I was put on 80 mg of Prozac for panic attacks when I was 19 and now I’m 42. It was way way too high a dose but because the drug takes so long to kick in, I always thought the side effects were just who I was. It brought with it generalized anxiety, hypersexuality, hypervigiliance, and has screwed affected my non-career and my relationships. I’m trying to wean off my meds (I’m down to 10 mg) and I feel like my drug has snared me in a noose I can’t get out of.

Career: I was way too anxious on the drug (and constantly racing to the toilet) on to hold down any kind of job so I became a freelance gaming writer because the games also helped with the anxiety. But now that I’m weaning off the meds I’ve lost most of my interest in games. I’ve moved back in with my parents temporarily while I go through the protracted drug withdrawal. I feel a bit better every day but I still feel awful most of the time. Restless and anxious and just hoping this is a cocoon I’ll emerge from one day.

Relationships: The drug made me hypersexual and terribly anxious at the same time (like stepping on the gas and brake at once). I tried to date women to boost my self-worth but most of the time I just ran away because I would have panic attacks. I ended up dating one of the women even though I wasn’t attracted to her. I tried getting out of the relationship but I couldn’t face the obsessive thoughts about being a total jerk every time I tried to break it off, so we stayed together for five years. Once I got out of the relationship and I started reducing the meds, I went on dating sites compulsively. Then once the hypersexuality melted away, I lost interest in dating. The thought of going on a dating site now makes my skin crawl and I’ve deleted all my accounts.

Thoughts of the Future: I’m 42 and back at home. I feel like I’m trapped. My biggest fear is that once my parents pass away I’ll throw in the towel and jump off a bridge because I have so little to live for: no career, no girlfriend, no pet, no real responsibilities, just a bottle of Prozac I’m trying to wean off. My psychiatrist is on a six week vacation and I’m not sure what to do with myself. I spend most of my time trying to stay out of my parents’ way and floating in a pool in the early evening. The guys there seem so effortless with the girls and they all talk about jobs and trips.

Does anyone have any suggestions? When I was on 15 mg I was strong enough to book a trip to New York, but the drug withdrawal kicked in and I spent most of the trip in tears. It’s been a downhill slide ever since. I used to practice the guitar every morning and work on my writing, but now I just want to sleep and be left alone.
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Boatie