Thank you all so much for your replies!

To continue with what else happened in the session:

After I told T that all this "exploration" felt like criticism, she said that it is not meant to be and what she sees is dynamics, patterns and cycles and trying to gain a better understanding of these things. She none of those are bad things and that it is actually a good thing. T also said she does have hope for me or else she wouldn't be here. Hearing those things did make me feel a bit better but I'm still bothered/upset about the other things.

I am going to ask T why she asked me if I was trying to punish her because I really don't understand her reason for asking that. Also, how is that not a criticism? Something else that T said which bothered me was that she said it felt like we were "in combat". I also don't know how that is not a criticism either.