A T I had (no longer see her because I moved away) and liked very much was great in these kinds of situations. She was a relational psychoanalyst and believed very strongly in talking about the "here and now" of our relationship, and that included what she was feeling or sensing as the session progressed. She owned her own stuff, and if she was feeling something, she'd always check in with me to get my reaction or sense of what was going on between us. She would pose a question very similar to what your T asked you, but it would be worded a little differently. She would pause and reflect for a moment and then say something like, "Let's stop for a minute. As you were posing those questions to me, I felt hurt, as if you wanted to punish me with your questions. What's your thoughts on that? Are you feeling any need to hurt or punish me or is this coming from me?"

And then we'd pick it all apart and examine it in detail. Yeah, at times it was painful, but because she was open to the feelings being her "own" stuff, I really never felt criticized or shamed. I could examine whether or not those feelings were mine or I could put it back on her if it belonged to her. I could think about whether or not the same feelings have ever invaded my thoughts in similar interactions with people. The thing I liked the best is that she never got defensive. It was just a great way for me to think about how what I say or how I act might impact the person sitting across from me--AND I found that helpful because those kinds of situations happen in my "real" life.