Thanks for the response I suppose a concern is not knowing what to talk about with my friends or my professor. I'm very hesitant to talk about anything regarding my mental health with most of my friends partly because with some it's invaded our relationships, to the point that a majority of them have ended communication. I don't really have anything else to talk about as I'm at home all day, pretty much doing nothing. I have tried talking with them about whatever is going on in their lives, but typically it's a very short conversation. There are other friends that I haven't talked with in many years that I contact every now and then, but they don't know anything about my deteriorated health. And I'm unwilling to discuss my mental health with them because I suppose I don't want them to know and maybe I think it'll ruin the relationship; I definitely find it personally shameful and embarrassing. So, I don't really know what I can talk with them about. The shame and embarrassment definitely goes with my professor as well, but that's more so from having failed at grad school and my career.

Nope, no therapist. I'm currently in a relatively small town. Mental health treatment options aren't readily available. And I am broke with no insurance. Even when I did have income and insurance and was living in a large city I couldn't find a therapist that I could afford. I did find one therapist that I thoroughly liked, but he didn't take insurance and was about $150/per session. I did look over my insurance plan and found a list of therapists; I then looked those therapists up online to learn about their philosophy of therapy. I found several that I thought would be a good fit. I contacted them only to find out that even though they were listed by my insurance company that they in fact either did not accept insurance or they weren't accepting patients as they were professors.