I've read quite a bit on transference (including the Lott book). I found some of it helpful early on. After a while though i realized what obfuscating and condescending drivel most of it is. For me it was helpful to just discard all the convoluted narratives and psychobabble. Therapy is not a direct link to our childhood. It is a very weird and anomalous sort of pseudo-relationship that creates its own drama and can be the source of feelings and longings rather than simply a conduit. I say look at what is happening in the room, in that moment, in that context. I found it a huge but subtle seduction, in every sense of the word. And also a major violation and exploitation.

There is an article that really hit home for me. I will post it if you are interested, but it is not an easy read. Could be triggering for some.