I had a father kind of like that. I think, as children, we hope to keep the volatile parent on an even keel by being very sensitive to them and trying to placate them into staying loving and not lapsing into "anger mode." At times, it seemed like we were succeeding, so we tried harder and harder to fine tune our approach in hopes of staving off those bad moods.

As an adult, during a pleasant conversation with my father, I'ld notice that I was slightly shivering in a way that was just barely perceptible. I realized I was quite tense - monitoring my father for any sign of an impending bad mood. I told myself it was ridiculous for me to be this uptight around him, since I no longer had to live with him. I had to talk to myself and tell myself to relax and stop worrying that his mood might shift. I decided his mood was his problem. This didn't happen over night, but I did successfully change the programming, so I could relax.

Some child psychologists say that inconsistency can be more disturbing to a child than having a parent who's just always miserable. My father was charming and lovable when his mood was just right . . . a nut job, when it wasn't.