i just dont know where i belong right now...

like, i try looking inside and i dont know what i see

im supposed to be a musician, play music... make music...
but i dont identify with it ... i dont feel like a musician, i dont feel like i make music...
i feel fake, its not me... i dont do that, i can't do it even right now... i dont even know how i do it, or how i did it... i dont understand it, the music, i dont understand alot of things... music is sposed to be a big part of who i am, so im trying to hold onto that as whats up.. but its not helping...

im supposed to be an avid video gamer, but i cant play video games.. i cant do the stuff i used to do... cant read and stuff... i dont identify with it...

i just feel lost

i end up just using more drugs trying to cover up the pain and emptiness... trying to hold onto the one thing that i still identify with... drugs and alcohol...

but i dont recognize who i am or whats going on around me because the way things are are so different...

my behaviors are different, my attitudes are different, everything is different and im just really not sure how to feel or what to think about whats going on

its not bad... im friendly and not having a bad time... its just not who i was... and i dont understand it...

i feel really spaced out through all this...