I'm really sorry to hear that you are struggling so much. It's hard to reach out for help only to end up feeling worse afterwards, and especially difficult when you don't like talking on the phone. As you mentioned NHS24 and Breathing Space, I'm assuming you are in the UK.. Have you ever tried the text service offered by Samaritans? They aim to respond to your initial text within an hour and thereafter the conversation should be quicker. It's not like having a phone convo, but if you need a near immediate response, it's the next best thing. The number to text is : 07725 909090 Hope this is of some help to you.
Kind thoughts.
E.