Hi AJ ,

I am sorry for your loss , my heart and hopes go out to you.

I too have lost , and it hurts like hell , and the hard part is my mind will not accept that fact my mom dies 12 years ago and my dad 2 years.

I spend most of my days missing them both , but I can not grieve in a traditional sense.

I have never cried my *** off , it is all bottled up inside and thats not good , I know that.

When my mom dies my dad feel apart , so I didn't`t have time to grieve , I had to take care of dad.

When my dad died , it was it , just a huge void in my live.

My body is slowly dying , I know this , however there is little I can do.

When I found my dad passed out the Sun. before Thanksgiving 2014 , I check his vitals and he came to while I was and asked me to help him up. After checking for broken bones or other damage that would prevent me from moving him , I picked him up and asked what happened , he told me he slipped.

I wanted to take him to the hospital , but he said no , he was the boss , so I did not.

The following day we saw our orthopedic doctor and dad was structurally ok , however he suggested my dad see his cardiologist as soon as he could , we went the next day.

My dad had suffered a cardiac event that caused him to pass out , he did not slip.
A bunch of test were done and his heart was dying , and the doc told me age ( 101 ) and weakening of heart muscle had caused congestive heart failure , he died 6 months latter.

I can write about it , tell people about it , but no one seems to care.

Not one soul has stopped by in kindness since my dad past.

It`s like I don`t matter , or at least seems that way.

I am fortunate to know that I do matter , we all matter.

So here I am , writing this post looking towards another day in the fog.

I will tell you all , live , live the best way you can for as long as you can.

Comments and PM`s are all welcome.

Later guy`s.

Me 