I seem to envy everyone. who has it better and who has it worse too. everyone seems to have what i have not. maybe a life. and i envy them. it makes me so angry. it feels so unfair. i do my best to ignore these feelings but i cant not think them.

right now, i have some family friends in my mind. but theres my brother, my ex, my parents, my friends.... practically anyone i get to know even just a little bit. or not. i happen to envy even people i see in the streets.

as for these friends, i dont get why they have everything and my family (esp. my parents) have nothing compared to them and i wonder how my parents can not compare themselves to them and not envy them? i really wonder how. how can they still be friends? i see how my parents struggle to have what these friends have... how they try to imitate them. they're just not as lucky. my brother and i are not as their perfect son and daughter, our house is not as beautiful as theirs, yet my parents try and try to have and get the same things but they never will. how is it possible that im the only one seeing this? is everything just in my mind?

i just hate being so... not a person.