Thanks Treevoice,

yes, im not happy with what i have and i dont feel grateful at all. maybe, if only one thing was going well, i could feel lucky that at least i had that one thing, but it seems all my efforts are useless and its painful.

on one hand i tell myself i have what i want cause we build our reality, on the other hand i feel so unlucky, having to live with what i was given (stupid mind and stupid feelings). i dont blame anyone or anything, just myself...

and... do i really not deserve anything good?
why nothing good happens to me? ever?

i do have good people around myself, and im thankful for that, but about me, my life... in terms of what i have done, of what i have, of what i may have... its a total failure, a disaster. i dont see why im still fighting. why?