Stress has reared it's ugly head today (the usual thing). This is the unbreakable pattern. I feel like our family's stressful environment--lack of job security, the relationship dynamics between H and I, and yes, of course, my mental condition has us in a bad place. H emphasizes that he now realizes I was unstable from the beginning but only recently realized it. Our children are not motivated and I obviously have plenty of problems but boy is he angry and defensive about the idea he had any role in the whole dynamic. I definitely don't blame one thing--many things came together to cause my tragic attempt and our less than stellar current circumstances. A family of four ages 60, 53, 24 and 22 and none of us with a real job. None of us are incapable. Every single one of us has our heels dug in about something. Before my attempt, my temporary job ended 4 days before. Since the day I attempted I have thought and thought about why I did something so crazy and was able to qualify for disability but our family dynamics still feel as dysfunctional as the day I attempted. We should all be doing better than this. I am not at all proud that it got this way or the role I played....