Absolutely, you can post here.

With all you describe (seeing the family dishes in the new house, watching your mom mother the two boys, etc.), it is completely understandable to be feeling the way you do. It's tough. It is especially hard on kids when their parents "move on" after the divorce and take new partners.

It's also hard to step into the role of a step parent, and it sounds like your mom has created a bond with those boys, and this is very positive. However, it's hard for you. I think you need some reassurance that you have not been supplanted by these boys. You are unique and different and have your own relationship with your mother. Those boys will not take your place. People can have a big enough heart to love many. Can you share some of your feelings with your mom?

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and another part of me just feels so excluded from this life of hers. This life that i've tried my darndest to not be a part of

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">It is really hard as a parent to keep up your efforts at the relationship when the child rejects you and pulls away. I go through this every day with my youngest. She is so angry and rejecting, but still I try to be there for her and maintain some kind of bond. But it's a constant struggle. The way she pulls back from me makes me want to pull back too. If you have tried hard not to be a part of your mom's life for 4 years, there is bound to be some hurt there on your mom's part. Can you two talk about some of your feelings? I think both of you may need to do some healing. Can you make an overture to talk? Maybe you two could bake some cookies together to put in the cookie jar.

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i'm not a little kid anymore ... so why do i feel this way?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Because adult children have feelings too.