Well I can't answer that for you, but I implore you to see things in a different light. What would be the point of living if we were all born with the perfect life? The journey of figuring who we are and what we want is a messy one. We all make mistakes, some of us bad ones. But I don't even like to think of "deserving" as part of the equation. I think we often do more harm thinking about "deserving" - what makes a person deserving of good things? If we start keeping score, no one will deserve anything good. "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind", etc. I know it's not easy to find gratitude with what you have when you are struggling. But at the end of the day, we're all humans suffering through whatever hand we've been dealt. Each day is a new day to fail in a new and better way, and that process is how we grow. Sometimes just the act of paying closer attention to the little things we have to be grateful for can make all the difference.