I can definitely relate with you. This moment of my life is the most I've been on the outside of everything too. It's like I'm an inhabitant of a desolate world. On the rare occasion, bumping into another person for them to only perceive a gossamer aspect of myself.

It sucks. Totally not who I was a couple of years ago.

On another note: I sometimes think of the Dylan Thomas poem "Do not go gentle into that good night" to give me fuel to push through. But, sometimes I just want to scream when I think of the line "Rage, rage against the dying of the light" because I feel like there's no fight left in me and I truly want to give up; there's a deafening ambivalence between quitting and pushing through.