Spent most of the session talking about fear behind recent anger--I had 2 dissociative type flashbacks and froze and shivered. There were no cognitive memories associated with it but could describe some of it as related to helplessness. I was calm when I left as T is good with me when I have these episodes, but thinking back, I was really unsettled by the body-fear states.

T also shared with me that no one's anger is pretty, and that he had a good deal of his own to work through, perhaps more than I, and that getting past it led him to a better place. Why didn't you tell me that before instead of letting me feel like a monster for being angry last session?? T said children imagine monsters because that's how they perceive or experience anger before they have a higher level cognitive understanding of what it is. Interesting.

I wonder if the lack of cognitive memories makes therapy harder? When you can't put words to the feelings, except to describe them, no narrative is created. I also wonder if T feels less effective or frustrated sometimes because we cannot build a narrative of understanding through words? Describing emotions, while helpful, isn't the same as talking through memories and experiences.