I've been binge free since about April 10. I've lost 19lbs. But tonight I kind of just lost it. I HAD to have some refined sugar. It's funny because those cravings had gone away entirely, but I had to have something with refined sugar in it. So since it's after midnight, I drive over to the gas station and get two zebra cakes, this birthday cake thing that is a rice crispy treat, and a barq's root beer. I also got two bananas and an apple and some raw nuts for tomorrow since I'm holding off on going to the grocery store until after my trip, and I leave on Wednesday.

Anyways, I already had a high calorie day, but I'm actually proud of myself in how I handled the binge. Instead of drinking the whole bottle of root beer, I had one cup. I sliced off one serving size of the birthday rice crispy cake, and I haven't touched the zebra cakes yet, but they may both disappear.

This feels different than past binges where it was every day and in secret...this is, I have a craving, I'm going through some crap right now, so I'm allowing myself a high calorie day. Tomorrow I'm cutting back a bit to make up for it and getting some extra exercise in to even out.

Part of me worries this is some kind of relapse, but I know that it's not or that it doesn't have to be. 16 more pounds and I'll have met my first goal...I'm seeing that one pound that will get me to 20lbs down off this week. I'm hoping to get lots of hiking and yoga done while in the mountains this coming week. It will be nice to just take a break.

I have to figure out sleeping arrangements though because if I have to sleep on their pull out sofa thing, I'm going to go crazy.

Seesaw