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Old Jul 18, 2017, 02:14 AM
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Poohbah
 
Member Since: Feb 2017
Location: Central New York
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Amyjay View Post
i really don't know what "improvements" I can expect from therapy, my understanding so far is that my brain developed differently to people who didn't have early childhood trauma so the physical structure of my brain is just different. Which means different responses and a different "normal"?? I don't have a pre-trauma self to "get back to". I am this bundle of trauma responses and the way I relate to people is different because of the different experiences I had. That's my understanding of what my T has explained to me.
The goals we set in therapy are about learning to regulate emotions, developing communication between the alters and later working with the traumas. So maybe my expectations are that I will be better off than I am now but not that I will be "normal".
I can really relate to this. My thoughts on this are, how do you know who you would been, what you would be like, what you would like, how you would react, even what your career would be when you are abused from a young age and never have the opportunity to develop in a nurturing and safe environment? I know that I am totally different that what I would have been like if I had not been subjected to and witnessed horrible abuse from my earliest memories, but I don't know exactly what that is. I think I would tend to be more extroverted than introverted, more outgoing, more adventuresome, more trusting than the hyper-vigilant, wary, self-isolating person that I've become. Understanding, coping mechanisms and management of reactions to situations. Does it really boil down to that, at least for some people? I do think that some people are better able to bounce back than others so every persons results will be different. But for me, I don't see much more than that.
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"Do you know what’s really scary? You want to forget something. Totally wipe it off your mind. But you never can. It can’t go away, you see. And… and it follows you around like a ghost."
~ A Tale of Two Sisters (Janghwa, Hongryeon) (2003)

"I feel like an outsider, and I always will feel like one. I’ve always felt that I wasn’t a member of any particular group."
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