What would make life meaningful to you?

Ignore, here, the idea of emulating (or envying) others. What would make life meaningful to you, personally? Ignore, for a moment, the mental health problems -- what stands out to me in your post is "loneliness". Yes, of course, the mental health problems make it very difficult to overcome the loneliness, but what ideally would it look it look like to you not to be so lonely? What kinds of relationships would you like? What kinds of people would you like to be with?

I know the last question may be very hard to answer -- when I was horribly lonely without my late husband, and had no other real friends, all I could think -- as I went to therapy, changed therapists, etc. -- was that there was something wrong with ME and I wanted to get it fixed, first -- before I could have any kind of meaningful life.

BUT -- that's not turning out to be the case, entirely. I am an unconventional women and lucked into finding some people who are not so dissimilar to me and who have similar interests. In my case, scientific and philosophical. And then, I could talk about my personal problems and issues here on PC and hear about those of other people, too. So far, it seems to be working a little bit. But one step, one second at a time. What else are my options? Not very good.

They have some meetups in Stockholm, too, if you want to try it:

https://www.meetup.com/cities/se/stockholm/

Yes, I know transportation might be difficult and I was absolutely terrified when I first started trying them. But I went to meetups with programs, and frequently a speaker, so it wasn't so hard.

Terrifying, like I said, to start off with. And maybe you want to outline what you might, or might not say, about your currently unemployment. In my case, if it ever came up, all I had to say was that I was retired. Of course, I had been out of work for the last 20 years ("retired early because my late husband had a terminal disease"). But, although people might have wondered, nobody ever said anything. And with the people I was with, they weren't like that - judgmental, etc.

I can guess that you might find the idea terrifying or difficult, too. If you try it and have a terrible experience, you can write about it here and, most likely, get support.

In addition, in an effort to try to overcome my negativity bias I have found a "Good News" website and there - surprise! -- I found a quote by the person who was my role model as a child, even though I certainly never achieved anything like her. I don't know if you'll like them, of course, but just in case here's a link:

TOP 25 QUOTES BY MARIE CURIE (of 53) | A-Z Quotes

Especially this one:

Your life is not over yet. What would make it meaningful just for you, ignoring what other people have. I personally believe in you. You're too similar to me, at least as I see it, which of course may just be transference or projection -- ;-). And I have to believe in myself somehow even though it's hard -- or else, well the other options just aren't good.

So -- here's this old lady across the Atlantic and your post has inspired this long reply. Hope that can count for something for you, an acknowledgement maybe that there are people who can like and believe in you, despite . . .well, whatever the despites. That's not what I'm relating to when you post.

Was there anybody who was your personal role model as a child? Someone whom you personally admired, despite the views of others around you, maybe?