Had my session
My T is a member of NASW so may be required to report
He says he will do the research this week and decide by the end of next week
Apparently he's been talking to my Group T about this as well - I think she brought it up

The thing is, I haven't told him everything
And now I both want to and don't want to
Want to, because I don't want to feel like I have secrets that I have to keep to keep someone from getting into trouble
Don't want to, because I'm afraid the new information would push him towards reporting, and he just told me that he's leaning towards NOT reporting (the only "possibly reportable" thing he knows is about S telling me about his sex dream about me and how it turned him on - he doesn't know that S told me about his sex life, sexual preferences, etc. or that S asked me to help him internet sleuth on his ex wife to find out if she was pregnant with her roommate)

It hit me on my way in to work today that I paid him. That I paid S. That the "friend" vs. "therapist" thing wasn't just words/labels. It's not that simple. I paid him. I wasn't "special" like he told me/I like to believe. He didn't see me out of love. I'm sure he cared, I know he cared, I know he put way more energy into me than I paid for, but still... I paid him. I kind of always ignored that part...

I feel sick to my stomach today.