I was talking to my mother last night, and she told me that if I was being honest with her then she was concerned about my sanity. Of course she isn't a psychologist, but it surprised me and got me thinking. I was diagnosed with delusional disorder several years ago. The delusions I was struggling with at that time are mostly gone, but maybe I am predisposed to being suspicious and paranoid and delusional.

I was telling my mother that I thought that my sister and her husband had decided that I was a bad person and that she didn't want to associate with me any longer. I was also telling her that my brother and his family felt the same way about me - though less intensely. I believe that my sister whispered a cryptic comment to this effect while she was hugging me on her last visit. I guess that sounds like a hallucination a little bit - doesn't it? Ugh.

I believe my assessment is accurate. I told my mother that they had a right to dislike like me, because I'm a very flawed person, but I hate being considered the villain of the family.

Anyway, it bothered me that my mother thought I sounded insane, because she has never said anything like that to me before.

I go to a psychotherapist every other week, but she has generally been dismissive of my concerns about psychosis. It was an earlier psychotherapist who diagnosed me with delusional disorder and brief psychotic disorder. I was having more trouble at that time too, so it was probably more obvious. ... My point is that if I am relapsing into delusional disorder, then I don't think my current therapist would notice. People with delusional disorder seem normal except for when they discuss their delusional beliefs.

I do not take any medications although I have been urged to take antidepressants.