((((((((((((((((( jacq10 ))))))))))))))))))

You are welcome to post here....its regarding divorce and relationships

I can only imagine how weird it must have felt for you to see your family items in another home. I'll bet it felt a bit unnerving and kind of made you reel a bit, feel things were out of whack.

As a mom of adult daughters and having a grandson now, I know that I do things very differently with my grandson than I did with my daughters when they were growing up. There are many reasons for this. First of all, many times parents are young and don't have a lot of knowledge or have a lot of life as a basis to know the "right" things to do with our children. It's kind of a hit or miss thing in a way. Most times, parents try to do the best they can do....sometimes there is little money, sometimes there are huge stressors that make adults act in ways that are not always healthy or good for their children.

Now, your mom has almost a 2nd chance at being a mom to some younger kids. She has learned a lot of lessons in raising you that she can now apply to helping to raise the younger ones. She has grown older and as we grow older, our ideals and sometimes our values change along the way.

I can completely understand why you are now questioning how she is parenting and bonding with the youngsters and you don't feel she did that with you. I can understand why you may feel slighted that you didn't get to have the same kind of mom that she is now. But, maybe now that she is putting a better foot forward, it may be a good time for you both to forge a better relationship too.

If talking with her is difficult, why not try writing your feelings and thoughts to her. Maybe you can both set aside some special mother/daughter time to go out for coffee or a meal and sit and talk. Helping to create an atmosphere of calmness and not attacking one another with past issues or blame. But a way of connection as in questions and answers....maybe you can both validate each other's feelings even if you don't always agree with them.

Sometimes parents are so involved with the everyday stressors in the world that they don't always "see" what our children see. And sometimes our kids have to take the reins and say "Mom, we need to have some time together to talk". I know my kids have done that to me and I ended up being very grateful they did that. I didn't realize I was ignoring them or even other important things in my life as I was so wrapped up in other things.

Take tings one step at a time jacq....and know that if you approach her with love and respect, more than likely she will respond in kind.

Wishing you and your mom well! Good luck!


sabby