Spoke with Group T. Actually, in group, I said I was mad with her.... I got to speak with her privately for about 15 minutes though after group.

Group T is approaching her reasoning for wanting to report very differently than J. She said she's seen many people who had blurry boundaries before with therapist and has never felt the need to report before. She says she wants to do it for me -- not herself -- not out of obligation -- but because she wants to see accountability be placed where it belongs. And she also said that as one of my therapists, it's her job to protect me if she sees something like this. She apologized if she handled it wrong -- if she should've spoken to me before speaking to J.

My anger deflated. I am very confused. I don't know what's real anymore. I told Group T that S had not been telling everything to his supervisors, and she asked me "What does that say to you about how he viewed the relationship?" Kind of the first time I thought about it really.... it means he knew that he was doing things he shouldn't have been doing. Regardless of what he told me about how he'd defend our relationship to anyone... he was deliberately concealing things.

General consensus is that he is not a bad person, but that he just needs to do a lot of work on himself. He messed up. Even I can admit that now. He messed up. And, I already knew he needed to do a lot of work on himself.

I told her... I'm going to tell J everything. On Friday. If he's going to decide about reporting, I want him to decide with all of the information -- I don't want him to decide one way now and then have to decide again later if I disclose something else.

So. That's where I'm at. I feel many things. Many, many things.