(((((((((((Colleen))))))))))
I'm sorry you're having such a tough time Please don't think that there is anything wrong with you for feeling how you're feeling. You just got back from seeing someone very dear to you, and you're feeling at a loss from her absence. This is VERY very normal. Hell, I still feel that way and i haven't spend a long amount of time with my "mom" in over 2 years.
And I'm not the person who is going to preech about not SI'ing ... its a dirty coping mechanism that i resort to at times as well... but maybe i can help think of things to do instead?
This is what I do anyways...
-read a book
-listen to my music
-call/talk to a friend
-lie down and focus on my breathing. Ground myself to where I am, and focus on nothing but the beat of my heart.
-play piano (or if you don't, another musical instrument/a hobby of yours).
-journal
-or distract myself with the television.

Just some ideas ... maybe aren't the best long-term solutions, but they may help you get through the night.

Hope that you are feeling better soon ... tomorrow is a new day.


Jacqueline