I cried on my T starting at the very first session. I started therapy (this round) to deal with a life altering event and the grief it was causing. I cried every session for a while. I was crying all day at work, all night... I was a mess. I think she might have handed me the tissue on that first visit. From then on, it was just always in reach. Now, oh, I don't know. I'll go several sessions without crying or with only slight tears then I'll have a major crying session. She's seen me cry many different ways from disassociated and bawling to a single tear drop.

She has never touched me as a form of comfort. Depending on the level of distress, sometimes we just keep moving forward, sometimes she gives me time to sit with the feelings, sometimes she holds me with her nonverbal and verbal communication, ... it really depends on the level of crying and how well I am managing it all. She has had to learn some on how to read me to try to determine what it is I need from her at any given time.

I've only asked for a hug after one of these sessions 1 time and she redirected me to a handshake which is the only discussed level of touch that we've agreed to. There have been times that I have wished she would hold me and let me cry on her shoulder, that she would rub my back, or some other form of physical comfort. When I am in those places I really want it. However, when I've moved through those places to the other side, I feel that with my transference, it could be confusing to have that level of touch. I have let her know that, so I am not sure if the withholding is because of the information I have shared or if it is her policy. She does a great job of holding the space and letting me feel held without touching me.

There has been only 1 times that I felt she also was on the verge of crying. I have never seen her cry. Though, I can't say there in the beginning she didn't have tears because I rarely looked at her.

I kind of don't get the not crying in front of a T - but then, each to their own.