People ask me how I am. "I'm good", I say and flash a smile. After all, what else can I do? If I say anything else, I need to explain. If I don't smile, there's a little glimmer of disbelief that gets probed evermore as the conversation progresses
I don't know how to explain what I feel or why I feel it. So, I smile. I laugh. I toss my head in glee.

I would keep to myself. It would probably be better that way.. but if I do that, people will wonder. Questions will start. "Why don't you ever talk to anyone anymore? ", "Why won't you do anything anymore? ", "Are you really okay?" I don't want the curiosities. I don't want the questions. So I stay. But, those around me end up feeling hurt. I feel guilty.

Maybe I'm evil. Maybe that's why my life's been this way. It's just what I deserve. Maybe I should just be quiet now and take everything life has in store for me. Why won't these people leave me alone? Can't they let me be in my own misery? I don't want it to spill on them too. Please let them go away.

Do I really need to die to make things right? I keep trying to fight but getting nowhere. I get pushed back to the start when I begin to make progress. I'm worn out now. Tell me. What do I do?