i have to figure out why im miserable. this is assigned by my best friend, who is essentially the reason im miserable. i cant very well tell her that. so i make a list of other reasons:
*no one actually wants to be around me. oh sure, sometimes it's fine, but when that's over they just get sick of me; im in the way
*ugliness. enough said
*singleness and reasons for singleness [see above]
*fear
*im not wanted
*what's the point anyway
[omfg this is very seriously pissing me off]
*so you say i push people away? no, i just cant open up; other people have to start: i can initiate NOTHING. so maybe it comes across as pushing people away. whatever, i cant reach out. i cant

%#@&#!. i cant think of anything