The other thing is that I sometimes send him emails when I can't stop crying, again because it makes me feel better. Occasionally I have asked him to please send me a kind word when I'm feeling particularly alone. I'm afraid he's taking those emails away from me as well. One of the things he said yesterday was that he doesn't want me to get hurt if he doesn't respond. I get that, and I have been hurt before, but I get over it. I feel like the benefit to me of sending the emails outweighs the risk of me being hurt. But I'm hesitant to tell him any of this. I don't want to seem like I'm begging for this contact with him. I have no idea what I'm going to say to him today.