Hi cryingontheinside. I love your name. If you are facing your sadness, I think that is good. Your neighbour bringing over drugs could also be okay. You can still stay 'no thanks.' You relapsing is also okay. I like darkness and light being part of me, I get power and meaning from the hard times I've had. You are reaching out, good for you. I played with my life, that was pretty hard core. One day, I just stopped. My reason was when I looked at what I was doing it was just stupid. I had had a long time of doing more stupid things but not ones that are to such a degree that I can still hear the birds sing and read in the garden sometimes. There are moments of joy, and there is just you, lovely just as you are.