Hi everyone. I was never bad in math, but i wasnt exceptionally good either, i used to score well in it, but the last two years of my high school i really sucked at math. It could be a number of factors, i was going through a lot of personal problems, and since im not like naturally good at it, the consequence of not paying enough attention to it, just made me suck phenomenally bad at it. And the it was followed by shame and panic at not being able to recover my math , that reinforced the cycle of not being able to learn because of anxiety and then perform badly. I passed math in high school and never looked back at it. I had given myself up as a dunce in math. It has been almost a decade, since then but now im back in a situation where i need to brush up my math for giving the GRE exam.
A lot has changed with me as ive grown up, ive become calmer and stronger, and i thought that i could deal with lifes ****, ive learnt to control my anxiety to a limit. But then recently , taking the math classes again for GRE, and beng confronted with High school math again , just brings those teenage fears, and feelings of worthlessness and shame to me. Since i am older now, i can at least analyse my feelings now and understand why its happening. But that has not helped me in overcoming my fears and performance anxiety. Im very anxious in every class, and the attitude of the teacher is not helping. But ive already paid for my classes. Well, thats beside the point. The thing is i wonder if can be reasonably good at math again , without my brain freezing with anxiety.
I cant really see a counsellor or a therapist right now, because i have no means, but i really want to be able to have the strength to deal with this again. This feeling of teenage anxiety in adult life wreaks havoc in my life and makes me unstable. I made another post somewhere regarding the confusions pertaining to my emotions , and i feel its all connected somehow. I dont want to unravel now , that i have to learn a new discipline all over again.