thank you for your answers, my father said he will try to move in another city if it can make me feel better, he's my best friend too so i have at least someone to support me.

it happened when i was 18 but i still can't forgive me even after 8 years ! so i don't know if the pain will go one day.

i saw the guy i did that with a week ago and he laughed at me with his friends so i went home and i cried so much, i was so tired after crying i was about to faint.

Do you know how to handle being face to face with your bullies ? it's like my world fall apart when i see him.

What really scares me is if i find a husband after that, he will learn about that from friends and family and think bad of me, he will think i am used and dirty and dump me. that scares me so much he won't respect me because of that or worse if i'm with my future children and husband and we see him and he mocks me and my family !

i hate the feeling that when people look at me they see me with a dirty taint around me.