I am doing really good I feel stable-ish. My med regime is slowly getting back on track I am no longer feeling I am "normal" and don't need the meds.

Problem: Since last week when I got my disability through.... I have changed from DLA- Disability Living Allowance to PIP Personal Independent Plan (UK)... I am getting more money as they have deemed me as too ill at the moment. I only get it for 4 years then I need to re-apply. Anyway's since then I have been a little down regarding work. I so want to work. I wish I had never been sacked in 2011. I rethink about the past all the time and I put on a show that I am fine but I am not fine. I am stressing out that people will think I am a fraud. I think I am a fraud. I DO care what people think of me and I don't know why. My folks were like woohoo that's great news re the money and we even celebrated with a drink cause I was sure I wasn't going to get it let alone the highest rate you can get.

I keep thinking about the past and how good I had it and how I wish to go back to that era of my life. I keep thinking I will never get a job or a career and I will never amount to anything. I miss everything about my old life I have been told I am still in denial re diagnosis and how ill I actually was. I have never been hospitalised so in my books I am mentally well and I can cope in and with life. I just don't know where to go from here. I am stuck! I am in a rut! I wish someone would just tell me what to do in my life.