I'm sorry that you find yourself in such a rut. I too am in a very similar situation in regards to my past, present, and future. Indeed, it's a difficult task trying to reorient yourself.

I recently revisited the TV show, Rick and Morty. Some people believe that a central tenet of the series stems from the philosopher, Albert Camus. I haven't yet looked much into his philosophy, but the video clips that I have seen seem to convey an idea that could help me find some peace. Maybe you too. Here's a clip that you could take a look at to see if his idea could help you: