I found this part useful in helping me to try and understand what's happening between me and my t.

What might a therapist contribute to perverse transference love? Nothing, we hope. But let us not forget that enactment requires the cooperation of the two persons in the therapeutic setting. As therapists begin to feel the burden of their therapeutic work – especially if they do not lead a balanced, wholesome life – their anger and aggressive urges can taint their maternal erotic countertransference love. It can even disappear in the face of growing dislike or actual hate of a client (Schaeffer, 2007).