I know I have value in my family. I’m the only one that brings in income (from SSI). My husband is considered my caregiver. I know I have to survive to keep our lifestyle but I don’t contribute to society at all. How can I? I can’t even talk to them, I’m paranoid of general population, animals aren’t my “thing”, and leaving my house is tough, I’m having very dark thoughts. They seem logical but I know they’re not. A part time job will make up the income I bring in. My son can get his licence to stay in school. I know at first they’d be all ****ed up. It’d be rough for them but time will make them okay.

I yelled at my dad today because he asked if we’re looking for a place to move to. I feel terrible about yelling at him. I asked how can you save when all you get is $735 a month? I told him we already are saving for Miguel’s books and fall classes.That his education comes first. I didn’t tell him we still owe Miguel $70. At some point I have to start paying our own car insurance. I know we have to start looking for a new place but how do I save for the moving to a new apartment? That’s at least $4k when legally we can only save $2k. I doubt we can save 1k. Especially when rent was raised $100 and classes are $100+ a class he’s taking 8+ classes. I know we’re counting down to when we have to move (3 years). My parents are worried our complex will stop accepting section 8 before then because they raised rent on us. Hud already told us to start saving and look for a new place but we live in a safe place. I can ask Miguel to check the mail or take out the trash without being worried about his safety. They kinda have us trapped and they can raise the rent to whatever they want and we have to pay it. None of this will be helped if I leave. Maybe it’s just me feeling bad I yelled at my dad.

I feel like a waste of space but I can’t leave them. I guess I’m still useful to them. I know they love me but I feel like I’m in the way. I feel like I’m ungrateful when I’m not. Has anyone been on an AD temporarily? I don’t see pdoc until mid september.