I've never got past the being told it can't happen stage, but I wonder if the root problem is that as your daughter grows, you will inevitably wonder how the lost child would have grown and developed? Sometimes I think what a child of mine who never has and never will exist would be like, and that brings enormous pain.

Maybe the goal should not be to get rid of the pain, to get past it, but to manage the emotions involved?

I think you had to go through a lottery process and a waiting list to get your current therapist, so I don't know how many options you have, and I'm also not sure a male therapist can go as far with you on this as a woman could, but is it possible to even see someone else briefly who might have expertise in infertility and related issues?