T and I had our last session today. She will be leaving to move out of state. I was dreading this all week. I was tore up while waiting to go into this session— as I usually am before therapy. I just felt so worked up about making sure it was special and that I got to say everything I needed that I almost felt sick. After it was all over, I couldn't have imagined it have gone any better.

I wanted to say so much and I spent the whole morning composing my thoughts from drafts I had began last month. Thinking this whole while, I couldn't possibly get everything out. I made myself compose a thank you letter, doing several starts and stops. I also composed a list of 'accomplishments', I got a good card, and I made a gift.

My T has that kind of personality that makes everything feel okay just by letting me talk. Sometimes I walk out of there and wonder how it's possible. It's going to be hard to go on without that. I know that everyone feels this way about a good therapist but I really felt like we had a connection and similar personalities. I made sure she knew this.
After she told me she was leaving I had to talk about my transference and attachment. It really forced the issue and I'm so grateful. When I said I felt a bit silly about how upset I was, she actually said we "Well yes, it's understandable, we bonded. You're grieving. That's okay." She got it and it was fine.

I managed to read my thank you letter after several choked up beginnings. Afterwards, she teared up and thanked me. She was clearly moved. She complimented my writing and said she felt honored and truly enjoyed our connection.

I almost bailed on doing a gift but am so glad I did. I gave her a framed print of a picture I had taken myself, and added a really great quote that I love. She liked it so much she said she would hang it in her new office. That was more than I could have ever hoped. The idea that she might carry something I made with her into her new space and that some new client my see it and feel inspired makes me feel over the moon.

I asked her to tell me something about about her own journey and she wasn't sure what to say. She told me a personal anecdote about what brought her into therapy and it was nice to hear.

When time was up she about leapt out of her chair to give me a hug. I was able to say "I love you" and she returned it.

We bantered a little while I moved towards the door. It struck me that I would probably never see her face again. I forgot to take her picture but
that's okay. I'll never forget her face from this day. I have a feeling that we'll keep in touch down the line.

Everything I have learned from her and our time there couldn't have happened at any other point in either one of our lives and I will always be grateful.