im doing pretty ok... considering...

im struggling with being sober.. its just difficult because when i am sober i dont feel right... its been a few days now and the feelings are just starting to swell up inside...

i have a really difficult time identifying the feelings and describing them though... i guess growing up i just learned to detach myself from my feelings so much...

i just feel blank, void... i want to say that maybe i am still depressed, but my depressions go so low that its not too bad right now...

i've just been sleeping a lot..

im not really craving drugs, although i feel like if i had something to use it would make me feel better and make these feelings go away... but i think this happens before i crash, like everything stops making any difference and i stop caring about it all and then i just crash and start hating the planet and everything...

but im trying not to go back there again, i dont want to experience that pain again

i dont really know about a plan at this point... because i was so dedicated to my treatment for the past couple years and its gotten me no where... i mean my anxiety is better which is great, but it still comes and goes, but the depression is horrid...

i usually just call my case manager when i need... but she doesnt really do much besides tell me a few things or say she'll talk to the doctor about medication or call the hospital for me or something...

im just so tired of it all :/