Hi Sapphire

I can see that you have been through a lot and had a lot to contend with
And I'd say, without a doubt, time to "give yourself a break" and lighten up on yourself a little!!!
You've had issues with your parents, an emotionally abusive (true!!) long term relationship, a lot of personal and work stresses, years of illness leading to/causing you to do things you now regret and to the point of a psych ward..........
Nevermind messing up!!! I'd say that considering everything, any difficulties you've had are entirely understandable!!!
And real kudos to you for what you have achieved/are achieving, you stuck with trying to get a job and work despite everything and the "negative" work environments/people there, and now despite that you're looking "higher" in aiming to study!!!
And you are right about this being a journey to something better now, and in it there are likely to be some low's, recovery will have up's and down's........but the down's do not mean that you're failing.
I feel that you've got some excellent insight despite all of those things that could so easily have robbed you of that..........you gathered the insight and strength to get away from the toxic relationship you were in..........you're taking on board treatment and seeing how important it is to think of yourself/your wellbeing, you're letting go of some of those "should"'s.........you're focusing more on you and what you really need/want.
Just maybe give yourself some time.........the journey forward can take time, particularly after everything you've been through, and more self-compassion, hey?
So yes, you're definitely "on the right track", just keep on searching for, and doing what is right for you and what you need and want in life.



Alison