You know what scares me the most about all of this? What actually in my bones terrifies me? It's that this could actually become the best part of my therapy - if I could just be honest with you and with myself and say now I am at this point of where my deepest work is and I really need to be all-in but I don't know if I trust us to be strong enough to handle this bit. Do I have the guts to admit this to you after everything that's happened? I suppose I had to go through this ridiculousness to actually figure this out, which totally sucks, and it may even be too late even if I did tell you. I don't know what to do. I wish someone could just tell me what to do, please. I don't want to be an adult right now.