maybe that puts the trust on you. i think (from reading all these) that that is true for me to. I trust now that she is stable and consistant (which i love about her because none of my others have been) and i trust her thought processes and the results they come up with.

but i don't trust myself to tell her my life. that it is too dirty, too inhumane, too embarrassing to say everything about me. i can't still know her if she knows all that about me. her knowing it would make me un-good. if i can keep the charade going long enough maybe i can "pass" for "healed" without having my make myself real in what happened and how it has left me.