Have you ever looked into/considered a women's shelter? Not a homeless shelter, more toward abuse. I don't know if your boyfriend is abusive but surely there is some abuse (or maybe neglect is a better term) to leaving you in these living conditions without enough money for food? I hope I'm not way over the line, it's just what came to mind reading this: " I wish I could go somewhere far away and beautiful, near good people, yet with plenty of privacy for me."